Maruja’s Guide to Unleashing Your Inner Joshua

21 06 2007

I now believe that every gay guy in the planet has an Inner Joshua, the gay who is catty yet sophisticated, bitchy yet glamourous, consumed with all the riches he possesses, while all the men worship at his feet. All the famous gays have already unleashed their inner Joshuas, from Bryanboy to Bobby Trendy to Perez Hilton.

Who wouldn’t want to feel that way? Who wouldn’t want to be like Joshua of Temptation Island?

So let’s learn it from the expert himself. Let’s all release our Inner Joshuas.

Pretend that you are living in one big telenovela – All the world’s a stage as they say, so why not act into it? Live the life of a TV drama wherein you are the star, even in the most difficult situations (such as getting stuck in a deserted island).

Be the sophisticated bitch – Even if the conversation or argument does not even involve you, make sure that you would be part of the ruckus and be noticed. Just remember to throw out the most biting quote that you can think of.

Show off your riches at all times – Just like TV personality Ariel once said, “Mawawala ang lahat ng yaman pero ang yabang hindi.” There is nothing wrong about having something material that you are proud of, whether it is the money or the proofs of your achievements.

Speak with a fab accent – Even talking in Tagalog can be turned into something glamourous and fabulous. Mix it with some literary English words and you are good to go.

Flirt excessively – Try to hook up with men like there would be no more men tomorrow.   You can either go for the intelligent yuppy preppy guys or opt for the blue-collar stone-muscled laborers.  I can go for both.

These tips from Joshua were put to the test in my office yesterday.  Well almost.

As I was entering the elevator to work, I kept the doors open to accomodate employees from other offices.  One girl from the bunch came running to the elevator shouting, “Hintayin niyo ako, mga leche kayo!”

As we were ascending the building, the girl’s colleague reprimanded her.  “Hindi lang tayo ang nasa elevator.”

Hay naku.  If only I was in Joshua mode, I would have said:  “Pagsabihan ang kasama niyo na huwag dalhin sa Ortigas ang ugaling tenement.”  Instead, I just kept quiet and left the elevator along with those jologs once the door opened.

Makakatikim din sila ng Joshua ko.  Hmmmmm…

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19 responses

22 06 2007
Fendi

hahaha! ang taray naman nito!
Sister Mag ala Joshua ka nga! hahaha..
kiss
Fendi

22 06 2007
jase

I like his chutzpah! Very unnerving!

Well dharlin… i have a closer friend who is definitely born like that horrible bitch above. Living in his surreal world – that only another crazy faggot like me can understand.

The biatch insists that there is no becoming one – it is being one!

Unleash your Joshua nga!

22 06 2007
Q

Haay.. I really should watch this na. A lot of people are raving about it. Jessica Zafra’s extremely crazy about it… Pero la naman ako cable to watch (if ever) from cinema1 or the filipino movie channels.

22 06 2007
Lyka Bergen

Ang taraaaaay! Sa totoo lang takot ako sa mga bading na katulad ni Joshua. Ewan, but true talagah!

22 06 2007
JRothschild

He kinda looks like empoy…I say unleash your inner empress maruja!

22 06 2007
toni

One of my favorite posts ever. Hehehe. Love it!

23 06 2007
isagani x, m.a.

LOL, panalo sa mga accent

24 06 2007
Xerendipity

it’s a gay thing! Be proud!

24 06 2007
chase

Hmmmm I am more tempted to watch this movie. I hope I can download this one online

24 06 2007
Gregg D'Bully

Like Emet of Queer As Folk, Joshua is my kind og guy. Thanks for making me remember tha film. The height of Philippine camp.

Hey, I linked you in my web’s blogsite.

25 06 2007
powerbottom.ph

the bunnyman was here

25 06 2007
powerbottom.ph

the bunnyman lies over the ocean…
the bunnyman lies over the sea
the bunnyman lies over the ocean
please let the bunnyman be here, be here

25 06 2007
Homie

I usually find myself in an elevator situation like yous na merong nagmamaganda: statoning themselves ng malayo sa elevator then pagbukas ng doors, will walk slowly towards it . My solution: I press the “Close” button…I find it better labeled a bitch than tardy.. c”,)

Best regards…

26 06 2007
Empress Maruja, May Kambal! « They Call Me Maruja: A Colorful Life at Random

[…] una gusto kong ilabas ang aking Inner Joshua, na kesyo ako ang nag-iisang d’original since 1997 na Maruja at ang nakikita niyo ngayon ay […]

12 07 2007
Joey

As a (younger) gay man with a keen interest in queer pop culture, this is something that totally flew over my radar. Thanks for bringing this little tidbit of queer history to our attention.

12 07 2007
empressmaruja

@ Joey – You’re welcome! Glad to know that!

22 07 2007
Maruja Sunday Specials #4 « They Call Me Maruja: A Colorful Life at Random

[…] Napuno na ako. Lumabas si Joshua. […]

12 08 2007
Maruja Sunday Specials #7 « They Call Me Maruja: A Colorful Life at Random

[…] Nagalit ako sa kanyang insulto. Lumabas ang aking Inner Joshua. […]

12 08 2007
Maruja Sunday Specials #7 - “Anyone Can Blog” | Pinoy Bloggers Society (PBS) - PinoyBlogoSphere.com

[…] Nagalit ako sa kanyang insulto. Lumabas ang aking Inner Joshua. […]

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