Maruja’s Guide to Unleashing Your Inner Joshua

I now believe that every gay guy in the planet has an Inner Joshua, the gay who is catty yet sophisticated, bitchy yet glamourous, consumed with all the riches he possesses, while all the men worship at his feet. All the famous gays have already unleashed their inner Joshuas, from Bryanboy to Bobby Trendy to Perez Hilton.

Who wouldn’t want to feel that way? Who wouldn’t want to be like Joshua of Temptation Island?

So let’s learn it from the expert himself. Let’s all release our Inner Joshuas.

Pretend that you are living in one big telenovela – All the world’s a stage as they say, so why not act into it? Live the life of a TV drama wherein you are the star, even in the most difficult situations (such as getting stuck in a deserted island).

Be the sophisticated bitch – Even if the conversation or argument does not even involve you, make sure that you would be part of the ruckus and be noticed. Just remember to throw out the most biting quote that you can think of.

Show off your riches at all times – Just like TV personality Ariel once said, “Mawawala ang lahat ng yaman pero ang yabang hindi.” There is nothing wrong about having something material that you are proud of, whether it is the money or the proofs of your achievements.

Speak with a fab accent – Even talking in Tagalog can be turned into something glamourous and fabulous. Mix it with some literary English words and you are good to go.

Flirt excessively – Try to hook up with men like there would be no more men tomorrow.   You can either go for the intelligent yuppy preppy guys or opt for the blue-collar stone-muscled laborers.  I can go for both.

These tips from Joshua were put to the test in my office yesterday.  Well almost.

As I was entering the elevator to work, I kept the doors open to accomodate employees from other offices.  One girl from the bunch came running to the elevator shouting, “Hintayin niyo ako, mga leche kayo!”

As we were ascending the building, the girl’s colleague reprimanded her.  “Hindi lang tayo ang nasa elevator.”

Hay naku.  If only I was in Joshua mode, I would have said:  “Pagsabihan ang kasama niyo na huwag dalhin sa Ortigas ang ugaling tenement.”  Instead, I just kept quiet and left the elevator along with those jologs once the door opened.

Makakatikim din sila ng Joshua ko.  Hmmmmm…